Wonderbras for Men, Pt. I ~ Modern Strategies for the Codpiece Look....

[mechtild]

Note: A Very Silly Post, sure to offend some.

Rated "Mature" for talk of "packages", as well as images of racy men's underwear and fully-naked Iggy Pop, dimly lit but clear enough. Also, there are loads of images (sorry, dial-up friends). Almost all images in this post are links that can be clicked open for larger versions.


Over at elijah_finds a couple of weeks ago, we were in a state of excited anticipation over Elijah Wood's upcoming portrayal of youthful Iggy Pop in The Passenger, having come across a lot of old video footage of Iggy performing and giving interviews in the 70's. At last, watching Iggy talking and performing, many of us began to feel that Elijah Wood could really do this and do it well.

There was much talk on the threads about how he might prepare for the role. Mr. Pop had (has) a much lower speaking and singing voice than Elijah Wood. They were about the same basic size, it turned out. I had got the impression from photos that Iggy Pop was as tall as an Elf. But he is not. He is short and slight. As one rockfan who had seen him in the seventies wrote, challenging a stated height on a website on rock stars:

Iggy Pop is 5' '7"? I saw him at an Otis Rush show years ago in NYC...he was a tiny little man (I'm 5' 9"), although he definitely had Presence.

This relieved me very much since, other than EW's eyes and luminous aura, the description that comes up most when fans write about meeting him in person is that he is "so tiny".

But aside from height, there was the difference in body types. Iggy's body, delineated, and lean as Gollum's, did not look much like the soft, barely post-adolescent body we'd seen peeps of in EW's various films. Iggy Pop performed his strenuous stage act shirtless. There'd be no Frodo shirts or pullovers to hide under. Well, a strict reducing diet and a personal trainer could help him there.

It was only inevitable and not merely prurient that the matter of "packages" would come up. Although I had known next to nothing about Iggy Pop and the Stooges before Elijah Wood was cast in the role, I now have read quite a bit.

Iggy had a renowned package. Not only was it discernible under his clothing--he wore tight jeans or contour-defining pants (like the gold satin ones shown in a clip from an Australian interview, singing I'm Bored)--with no underwear--his genitals had been bared to the sight of many, Iggy having exposed himself on a number of occasions on stage.

For those who weren't there to see "it" in person, at least one nude photograph taken by Gerard Malanga is still extant. A cropped version of it appeared on the cover of "Nude and Rude".


Young Iggy photographed by Gerard Malanga:




Apparently Iggy's "big, beautiful chopper" was quite famous. And, because Iggy is still alive and performing, with an active fan base, it remains famous.

What, if anything, I wondered, might the filmmakers do to assist EW in the package department? If an actress with normal or even full breasts were to portray Dolly Parton, she would surely have to wear special push-up bras with extra padding, maybe even prosthetic breasts, in order to create the "Dolly Parton" look.

This is not to say Elijah Wood is not possessed of a bulge, but it is not of legendary proportions. A few shots make him look particularly blessed (see well-known exhibits below), but many do not. He seems "average" when all of his shots are taken together, some bulgy, others not.

I did not wonder, however, how an "Iggy package" might be achieved, since I had already happened upon a men's underwear site that pointed the way. No prosthetics would be necessary. It could be achieved solely through the ingenuity of modern men's underwear design.

~*~

It was Oscar week when I read a snippet that some [male] Oscar presenters would be wearing biodegradable underwear made of Tencel. What was that? I wondered. And what would it look like? Not one to pass up an opportunity to both procrastinate and satisfy idle curiosity, I began Googling. I did not at first find the Tencel underwear, but what I did find made my eyes pop out of my head.

"Good heavens!" I gasped. "Have all these models stimulated themselves into these states, or are they really this big? Are they wearing prosthetics? They must be bringing back the padded codpiece!"

But, no. Not codpieces. These underwear--briefs, bikinis, and thongs--all featured specially structured genital pouches, some with hidden support contraptions, all for the purpose of lifting and bringing forward a man's "package". The 16th century man had to wear an affair made of stuffed buckram to make his phallic show while strutting his stuff in the public square. The 21st century man can strut his own stuff. Carried high before him without padding or stiffened housing, the New Man wears a Wonderbra--but a Wonderbra for the genitals.

Therefore, Elijah Wood need have no fear to portray Iggy Pop, right down to the package.

How might Elijah Wood, Mr. Average Guy....



....be made to look like Iggy Pop, Mr. Trouser Snake?



There are a few options.

1. Option One: The contour pouch.

Even in my backwater city in the American upper Midwest, in the past years I have lingered in the men's underwear department, shopping for my husband ("just boxers, nothing fancy"), shyly ogling the pictures on the packages. Or the packages on the packages containing "new-style" briefs, which feature the tailored genital pouches. These pouches bring together the male parts that otherwise wander and dangle to little effect behind the slack fabrics of plain fly-front briefs or standard boxer shorts, unifying forces to present--front and center--a defined, well, package.

Although most American men seem to shy away from anything that has a hint of "showy" to it, I am guessing that more and more men are wearing these briefs. They seem practical and comfortable, offering the support of a jock strap, but the comfort of cloth between the body and trouser fabrics. But they also do make the genital area look more prominent. I eye crotches enough to have noticed, in the past few years, a more "up front" look to men's pants, in real life and as seen on celebrities. Perhaps pouch-style underwear has been a contributing factor.

Below I am going to post some men's underwear. First I will post the conventional stuff. I'll include the write-ups for all these products, since what the writers say says a lot, too. The basics emphasize the basics: comfort, value, and unobtrusiveness. The sexier stuff's copy emphasizes quality and comfort, too, but often is explicit about the man-enhancing nature of the cut.


Basic, unshowy men's underwear:

"The Calvin Klein Solid Poplin Boxer Short is made of soft, yet durable woven cotton. This classic boxer style is super comfortable, breaths well and has an open fly for practical use. The elastic waistband is covered with gathered self-fabric and a small Calvin Klein logo appears on the front. "

"Wax is the underwear brand that is favored by boarders, bikers, street artists and hipsters the world over. This Wax Mr. X Woven Boxer features an abstract print and is made from soft 100% cotton poplin which gets softer after each wash. The Wax Mr. X Woven Boxer combines an urban artist vibe with Wax's outlaw attitude."

"This Fruit of the Loom brief features a plush-backed waistband for unobtrusive all-day wear and it comes in a convenient 3-pack for stocking up. Strong seams on this Fruit of the Loom Basic Brief offer extra durability. An all-time classic, this Fruit of the Loom 3-Pack Basic Brief is an underwear essential for every man."

"This Fruit of the Loom boxer brief features a plush-backed waistband for unobtrusive all-day wear and it comes in a convenient 2-pack for stocking up. Strong seams on this Fruit of the Loom Basic White Boxer Brief offer extra durability."

"A knit boxer with a single-button closure that features a cloth-covered button. Flatlock stitching at the back of this Diesel short trunk lends a minimal profile so it sits flat under jeans. The Diesel Male Stretch Cotton New-Wilby Shorts Trunk has stretch fabrication and a paneled back for total freedom of movement."

Men's underwear featuring contoured pouches:

"The 2xist Boxer Brief offers great support and the seamless back creates a smooth line. Perfect for everyday wear or during a workout, style meets function in this signature boxer brief by 2xist."

"The DKNY Classic Cotton Trunk, from the Classic DKNY men's underwear line, offers a classic trunk fit with modern design details. This DKNY brief features a contoured paneled pouch and a comfortable logo elastic waistband. The DKNY Classic Cotton Trunk is the new modern classic underwear staple, perfect for everyday wear. "

"Attention-grabbing look for today's fashion-forward man. Styled for fitted look that enhances profile by contouring and lifting "package". Backside includes dart and inverse U shape stitching under buttocks for lift and shaping."

"Higher cut leg holes for more pronounced pouch.... Low rise for today's low-rider fashions; styled for fitted look that enhances profile by contouring and lifting 'package'." "...A modern take on the classic Calvin Klein boxer brief, made popular by Mark "Marky Mark" Wahlberg in the early Nineties. The Body Boxer Brief is made from 100% cotton and features a contour pouch that is bordered with distinctive trim. The flatlock seam on the pouch prevents chafing while the ribbed wide leg bands allow for movement and comfort without binding ... ergonomically shaped to hug the body, creating a sexy look and feel. Here is thong-style contour pouch underwear that does some pretty impressive things, but my guess is the model already has a lot to work with. Also, the rather packed-together, narrowing-to-a-point shape would probably not simulate the no-underwear Iggy-look: Ergo Thong with X3D pouch ~ "...with X3D pouch for added comfort ... a special lift effect has been built in. Ergonomically designed. Very comfortable to wear - always looks great." Below is underwear that is supposed to be conventional (no interior structures or pouch), but the man wearing them is either enormous, or he is wearing a suspension thong underneath (see below). I tend to think both are true: the model is large, but also wearing an underlying assist, considering the pronounced up-and-out cant of his genitals. False advertising, that's what I call it. "The 2xist Boxer Brief offers great support and the seamless back creates a smooth line. Perfect for everyday wear or during a workout, style meets function in this signature boxer brief by 2xist." But most men are not as *gifted* as the models wearing the briefs above. A contour pouch could only go so far. Besides, Iggy wore no underwear. Pouch-front briefs definitely convey a sense of underwear because of the way they gather everything together in one unified bulge. A male posing strap would look naked under pants, but it wouldn't do anything for him. It doesn't do anything for the body builders who wear them, either: No. As long as Elijah's got something to work with, much could be done with undergarments that I will describe below. He does have something to work with, as fans know from ogling his photographs, and that's just great for the Iggy-portrayer's purposes. I posted one of Elijah's "minimal package" shots above, to make a point, but there are many other shots that suggest he's got nothing to complain about. Note that in the photos where he's lifting up his shirt to show his tattoo, he's wearing boxers, not anything special in terms of support or accentuation. The drooping waistband of his jeans would create some of the pouchy effect, but not all. The Mardis Gras picture makes him look a little silly, wearing a leotard and tights, but there's definitely something there, dressed up and to the right. The one at the RotK premiere is one of my favourites of him, pants or not. I call it his "King of Swing" shot, as if he might start snapping his fingers and burst into a Frank Sinatra song at any moment. The Hooligans lamp post shot has appeared in people's icons, as has the recent broody one from the Oxford Murders shoot. 2. Option Two: Underwear with a hidden lifting structure using genital slings, c-rings, and o-rings. I think the costume designers for The Passenger would do better to have Elijah wear light briefs--or preferably a thong, since the seams of the briefs would show in tight Iggy-pants--which utilize a hidden support system. These underwear give a much better impression of naked genitals since the enhancement comes from the lifting system under the thin fabric, rather than a closely-fitted and structured pouch. Here is the the underwear that first made my eyes pop out of my head. These not only make the wearer look like his underwear is the "home of the Whopper", the copy cleary tells how the effect is made. The first image shows the briefs, the second image is the explanatory diagram provided with the write-up. "The C-IN2 Sling Support Lo No Show Profile Brief is one of the hottest sellers in men's underwear. It features innovative sling support technology designed to give you a bigger and better profile. This is achieved with an adjustable ½” elastic sling inside the pouch that forms a ring around your scrotum and penis which lifts them forward. (Simple instructions included.) Cut to accentuate the lower abdomen and bottom, this C-IN2 Lo No Show Brief is also perfect for wearing with low-rider jeans or trousers."

The c-ring system does virtually the same thing. An adjustable elastic loop fastened with a snap goes around the penis and scrotum at their base, the loop then lifted at the waist band. Some c-ring garments use a fitted pouch for additional shaping, but many of the thongs and bikins, some of which are shown below, have drapey, thin, or stretchy pouches, the ring system doing all the work to create the look.

Another method uses the o-ring, which sometimes looks the same as a c-ring, but often consists of an elastic panel with a ring-shaped opening through which the genitals are drawn and subsequently lifted up.

Below is the O-ring Suspension Thong, which comes in black and white and a few flesh-tones, which can be worn under underwear, swimsuits, and pants. This might be just the thing, since the wearer would appear to be completely naked under his clothes.

..."Wear underneath clothing or swimwear. Cotton-lycra g-string style thong has an O-opening in front to bring you up and forward. Variety of colors, black or white."

Below is a selection of c-ring and o-ring thongs, g-strings and bikinis. As you will see, the wearers all appear quite naked in spite of the light clingy fabrics, except that their members are made to look astonishingly imposing and prominent.

As I said, it is "The Return of the Codpiece", but without the cod.

Image shows diagram of more unusual inner construction.

"...in hot colors! Sexy men's o-ring type thong. The ring is put in place on the front, the front then covers all of the 'bait and tackle'."

NDS Wear's very minimal coverage men's thong underwear or swimwear. Exotic thong. Now available in 4 Colors: White, Black, Red and Blue. This unique thong allows for a sexy fit both in front and back. Front pouch has a c-ring and slide thru loop, to bring everything forward, extremely fit and Hot."

"...sexy men's microfiber men's bikini underwear or men's bikini swimwear. Has an elastisized c-ring in the front pouch liner that keeps him N-larger than life! O-ring type (circular elastic) pouch."

"NDS Wear men's ultimate bikini underwear. High sides, sexy pouch front men's underwear."

"Very comfortable thong, microfibre thong, the fabric is oh so smooth! Sexy thong with c-ring. May be worn as swimwear or underwear (swimwear in some places!). Features snap ring to keep him out front."

Here are four c and o ring thongs that I find particularly amusing.

The first three are designated "Camo" wear. I suppose these are for men who haven't decided whether their ready to flaunt themselves and are trying to be more discreet. "Hey, isn't that Bob over there?" "I can't tell." "That's because he's wearing camo." ;)




The fourth one, below, is made of artificial metal mesh. I thought it would do very well for the Rohirrim and Men of Gondor, going nicely with their mail.






3. Option Three: The prosthetic enhancer.

When all else fails, there's always the good old "falsie". Women have been slipping little pillows and hankies and wads of batting down their bras for centuries. I suppose men should have access to something similar.

"A discreet, flexible-web insert that creates an impressive, realistic package enhancement in any swimsuit or underwear. It fits securely over the penis like a codpiece, giving a guy greater visual proportions without anyone ever knowing his secret. The large head and thick shaft will cling discernedly [sic] to most fabrics, even when wet. The bulge's flexible material allows it to move naturally, whether swimming or dancing and is so undetectable, it looks realistic even up close. Well suited for the pool bar or the locker room, The BigBoy gives a guy a dose of confidence where he needs it most. A natural for bodybuilders and sunbathers. The Bulge's polyvinyl mesh material is waterproof and machine washable, and keeps its form with extended use." [That’s nice to know.]

Now that I look at this, I think the model wearing those basic Fruit of the Loom briefs near the top might be wearing one. Maybe I should get out my magnifying glass?




Comedy underwear.


I had thought mariole's hilarious fic The Height and Length of Fashion pretty outrageous when I read it, but these underwear make me think she was not far off the mark in her fic's fashion statements.



Here's a c-ring thong that's actually made of mesh! "Oh," I thought, "here's one of the mesh ball-bags in The Height and Length of Fashion!"

"The 'Fishnet Grabber Thong' has a C-ring to lift and bring forward and support. Iced Mesh Thong underwear, NEW STYLE of see-through fishnet. Very sexy men's underwear. Soft comfortable stretch large-mesh fabric..."

This one called to mind Pippin's ‘altogether’ in mariole's story, which featured not only a ball-bag, but a penile sleeve. Wasn't it even yellow?





The following thong won first prize for humour. It's suitable for wearing to a fancy-dress ball. Just add a hat and a jester’s staff for accessories. Oh, and don’t forget the pointy-toed matching shoes (with bells on the ends).

What can I say? A picture's worth a thousand words:

"Red schlong g-string, Trunk front men's g-string, trunk thong, sleeve front men's underwear."

Edited to add another find:

Anatomically correct genital string pouch. Looking at this, worn by this slender, satin-smooth man, it occurs to me that a woman could wear one of these, stuffed, to *very* interesting effect. What a stir she'd make at the beach.)

~*~




Part II of Men’s Underwear Pt. II HERE.


~ Mechtild

Comments

Re: ‘Nobody loves you when you are down and out’

[yeuxdebleu.livejournal.com]

Ahh yes....I have a good LJ friend who lives in Moorhead, MN and she says they're getting snow, too. I'm in NH and our winters, and weather in general, are very similar to MN.